I'm having a crisis in confidence to do with my novel.
Each week I get an email from the NSW Writers Centre letting me know of what courses they are running, what writing festivals are on, and what competitions are out there.
And ever since being totally inspired by the Sydney Writers festival session I went to (Isabelle Carmody- writer of two of my favourite series, and Garth Nix- who I've only just started reading now, but whose insightful comments on that day have made a huge difference in my writing)- I've been thinking I should go along to more of those things. I know there are huge gaps in my skills and I want to grow them.
Anyway- this week I noticed to sessions i would love to go to. One was the children's and young adults fiction festival this Saturday. The second was a session on writing happening at the end of the month.
Two things freaked me out.
The Cost.
It costs alot of money to do these kind of things.
Not lots of money in the scheme of things. But my hobby which hasn't really ever cost me a cent suddenly could go up a notch.
I don't know if my novel is worth spending money on, when money is not always flowing.
Tim, wonderful Tim- assured me "Let me me the judge of that. I have faith in you. Spend what you need to".
The second thing that freaked me out is that one of the sessions of the festival- you had the opportunity to a) Pitch your story to publishers and get feedback on how you could pitch it better or b) Submit your first page to be critiqued in front of everyone.
And I don't even have the guts to show my story to my dearest friends! Every time I've tried to explain my story premise I end up getting tongue tied and feeling a bit silly. If there is one thing I have faith in it's the premise of my story- the overall plot- the interesting world in which everything happens. But even that I don't know how to sell.
And though I suspect my first page is actually quite good- one day I will have to show the rest of it, the awkward sentences and the corny conversations that I wrote in haste (just trying to write something) and never had a chance to de-cringe-a-fy!
Suddenly it hit me that I either need to do a whole lot more work, get over my fear and just put myself out there, or give up on this. Oh I'm so scared. What if it's no good!
In the end I decided I couldn't go to the festival anyway- though I'm still pretty keen on the course at the end of the month. But it has raised bigger questions
I don't know if I can do this!
But I love it so much. I love my characters and my world. I want it to be published.
I hope it can.
love B
The great thing about getting your work critiqued by strangers is that you never have to see them again. And maybe... they'll have really useful stuff to say that will help you. If you want it published then you will have to let people read it eventually and I think starting with a conference, with people you don't have to face every day, is a safe way to start.
ReplyDeleteThe bottom line for me, though, is why you're writing it. Are you writing just to be published or are you writing because you love to write? There's nothing wrong with loving to write AND wanting to be published... all I'm saying is, don't let the idea of publishing and being critiqued take away the sheer joy of writing.
You met Garth Nix and Isobelle Carmody? Wow!
ReplyDeleteB, I'm sure your writing will be good when you're happy with it. Do you really have a deadline - because it might take you years to be happy with it but I'm sure it will be worth it!
I for one would hate it if you pitched it too early and got discouraged or gave up. Mind you editorial input might be a good thing too?