Thursday, April 29, 2010

May Madness

May is about to begin!

And it's going to be a massive, massive month.

Please pray for me, that I will get everything done- particularly this weekend where I have several things to do for church on Sunday and a very small window in which to do them!

Thanks friend,
Belinda

Friday, April 23, 2010

Me at 13 Part 2

(Spelling mistakes have been left in for authenticity sake)

I think its an interesting exercise for Tim to get to hear something of my year 7 prayer diary. He recon's he can see a fair bit of the thirteen year old still in me!

Year 7 was a really shocking year. I had just arrived back from the US, and was surprised to find that life didn't suddenly turn out wonderful like I expected it to. I didn't have any good friends, and got picked on at school quite a bit. So much of my prayers were crying out to God- pleading with him to change my situation. It's interesting to compare it to now when I am faced with difficulties. My understanding of God is a great deal more sophisticated- but many of the raw emotions are the same. But as I read many of those sad and sorry prayers- I look at how God has answered them, the way he has cared for me. It's pretty cool.

Some of my reflections on God:
"God, your love for me is so great that even if I commit every sin I can you will care for me still"

"My Lord is the way to heven and theres no other way i would like to travel. Being in heven with Jesus cant be a boring thing".

"You don't want me to fear the future so help me to look forward to the good things and not dread the bad things"

My spelling was (still is) atrocious- my personal favourite is "anof". Think about it phonetically if you can't work out what I mean.

But probably the strangest thing is what I choose to pray for. I would usually talk about my day with God and pray for myself. Then I had a few people I would pray for everyday. And finally I would pray for a very random group of people who either came to me at the spur of the moment or were inspired by something that happened that day.

Some examples:
I pray for:
...People who play musical instruments
...all the engaged couples of the world
...People who can't praise you because of speech disabilities
...Those who have been badly affected by volcanoes
...those who have snow and don't want it
...Michael Jackson
...for those who have the power to blow up the world (that they think twice)
...those who have lost something of centermental value
...those who lose there job because of tretury
...famous people who have been put down by New Idea magazines- that you would keep them from becoming unpopular.

love B

Monday, April 19, 2010

Me at 13

Kyck and all the youthy things I have been doing got me thinking about myself when I was young. What did I understand about God? What did I know.

Luckily for me- I actually have a record for from the age of 13 until the age of around 19 (I think) I kept a fairly regular prayer journal. It was literally my conversations with God about my day and how I was feeling.

I have been reading the entries, and they are pretty funny- and that's not even if you count crazy phonetic spelling! Tim and I were in histerics last night over some of them. I'm going to put some up on this blog when I have the chance.

But its also really interesting- and fascinating to see God's work in my life. Cool to see the simple gospel truths that were obviously so clear to me- especially that I am saved not by what I do.

But I wanted to share one thing. One of the things that I did (don't know why, but its a great idea) is that I sometimes prayed about what I had read in the Bible that day. I was reading through John. This is what I wrote.

"I love you God. I'm so glad that you are three in one. One third Father. One third Jesus, One Third Spirit. And a third of you lives in my heart!

Hmmm, not sure if that's quite an orthodox view of the Trinity!
love B

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Please Pray

I have a friend called Rosemary who is having a Mastectomy this week.
Please pray for her.
love B

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

30 years worth of thankyous!

On Kyck we were challenged to not be people who were focused on gaining things that don't last (money, fame, things etc), but to be people who thanked God for the good gifts he gives us.

So, to celebrate my birthday- I thought I would thank God for things that he has given me over the years of my life.

Year 0-Thanks God for giving me life!
Year 1- Thanks God for giving me awesome parents who told me of you and loved me so kindly and wisely
Year 2- Thanks for my sister!
Year 3-Thanks for the Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles and Cousins who bring such joy
Year 4- Thanks for the house I grew up in, particularly the huge backyard where I could run around, dream, make up stories, and talk to you
Year 5- Thanks for primary school- for the things you taught me and the lessons I learnt about life and the world you created
Year 6- Thanks for my Grandparents farm- a place where I experienced so much joy.
Year 7- Thanks for St Mary's and St Paul's where I had such fun at church and where I learnt so many amazing things about you and your son.
Year 8-Thanks for the imagination that you gave me, and the many fun years (still continuing) of making up stories
Year 9-Thanks for friends you gave me
Year 10-Thanks for the time you gave me in the states- the beautiful world of Madison that you decided in your Divine plan to share with me
Year 11-Thanks for the experience of living in another country- and the love you gave me starting then for people who are from countries other than Australia
Year 12- Thanks for the church I went to in America- particularly my Sunday School teacher Laura who helped me understand what it means that we are all sinners
Year 13- Thanks for High school. Even though it was a hard 6 years, I learnt so much and I grew so much and I am thankful for how you used it to shape me into the person that I am.
Year 14- Thanks for Youth Group- for the leaders, for the opportunities for ministry, for all the fun times, and for the friends.
Year 15- Thanks for Jesus! (That is relevant for every year- but I might as well stick it here, and 15 was a hard year and knowing that Jesus died for me was something that helped get me through it)
Year 16-Thanks for letting me go overseas to Europe. You have blessed me with so many special experiences and I am grateful.
Year 17- Thanks for Beach Mission! It was such a key time in my walk with you, the friends I made are so precious, and it was there that I realised I wanted to spend the rest of my life telling people about Jesus. What a blessing!
Year 18-Thanks for giving me a love of learning.
Year 19-Thanks for Uni. Thanks for that fun crazy time. Thanks particularly for the Christian Union I was apart of- for the fun, the friendships, and the Bible teaching and training which has made such a difference to my Christian life and service.
Year 20-Thanks for my friend Fi- thanks for the way you have used her over the years to be such a source of encouragement and fun!
Year 21-Thanks for teaching me that I should find my self-worth in you and not in other people (still learning that one- but 21 was a key year)
Year 22-Thanks for giving me jobs- allowing me to earn money. Thanks for the growing up that took place and the lessons I learnt.
Year 23-Thanks for introducing me to the most amazing man in the world. Thanks that (after a while!) he decided to ask me out. Thanks that despite my worries over the previous 22 years that you had it all figured out!
Year 24-Thanks for my marriage to Tim. Thanks that despite the fact that we are both sinners, that you have used us to grow each other. Thanks for all those amazing fun times.
Year 25-Thanks for the chance to do an apprenticeship at RMIT. It was just amazing to have people donate money so that I could spend my time reading the Bible with Uni-students and encouraging them in their faith. Thanks for the blessing of being trained by the gifted and godly Steve and Heather. I grew so much.
Year 26- Thanks for Scots Church- for all the things we learnt and the dear friends we made. It is such a blessing even now when we are far away that we have such caring lovely "couple friends" who welcome us back as if we never left.
Year 27-Thanks for Bible College. I still can't believe I got that one precious year of studying your word. Thanks for that unexpected Gift.
Year 28-Thanks for Chatswood Baptist and particularly the chance of getting to work there. Only you could work things out so well! Thanks for Children's ministry and making it fun as well as challenging
Year 29-Thanks for the way that despite hard things and trials and time away from family, that you have held me tight to you, and grown me in my faith.

Year 30
Plenty of things I could say- but as it's only been 11 and half hours (or less than an hour depending if you are going via the actual time of birth), I won't dwell on them ;)
But even though I don't know what this year holds- I know that it is in the hands of a creator who loves me.
Thanks God for being in control of my life.
I love you.
Amen
B

Monday, April 12, 2010

8 years on... my thoughts on Youth Ministry

God has a strange way of placing you where you don't expect.

When my friend Fi and I were finishing off Uni, we were both thinking about working in Full-time ministry. Fi dreamed of Youth ministry, I of working with Uni students

8 years on?

Fi is now working full-time with a Uni Christian group, and I lead the junior youth group at church!

This is particularly strange for me, because I'd done the youth thing and I thought I was finished with it. As I finished junior youth group as a 16 year old, low and behold (like almost everyone else) I was asked to be a leader myself. And so I was. I was a youth group leader for around 6 years, one as the coordinator. I have lots of happy memories of leaders meetings, crazy Friday night activities, youth camps, Bible studies, and interesting conversation. But I also had lots of memories of frustration, of kids who didn't seem to get why God was important, of kids who were so different from what I was like at there age (a nerd) that I found it hard to relate to them. Youth leading it seemed was made for people with thicker skin than me.

And while Uni ministry was tough, it seemed to fit my personality so much better.

So, nearly a decade on- how do I feel about youth ministry?

It's funny in a way. I still find many of the things that I used to find frustrating frustrating. I still don't get how youth can often be so apathetic to a God who has done so much for them, and who is so much more great and glorious than all the things they put before him.

But a few things have made a difference.

The first is I'm more relaxed.

My fear when I first looked after youth was always: "Will they stay Christian? Will they go off the rails?". And in someways- as I think of many of the youth I once taught- the sad reality is that this fear has been realised.

But I am still more relaxed now. I don't jump down their throats if they express frustration at the Christian life. I don't expect them to have it all figured out right away. I don't expect them to sit in a Bible study or a talk or a conference and get all the things out of it that I am. They are learning, growing, changing. I am more patient with that process, and more trusting that God in his own time will do the work that he wants.

But the second change is that my expectations are also higher, particularly after a talk I heard during the weekend away at Kyck.

I think in the past I thought the most you could expect from teenagers was that they stay Christian and learn stuff during their early to mid high school years.

But that is to underestimate them. Youth can do so much more, they can make so much more out of the teenage years. I don't want my Youth kids to just stay Christian. I want them to be Christian! I want them to teach kids about Jesus, to invite friends to church, to evangelise, to help the poor, and to do anything else that God's Word and Spirit prompts them to do!

And I'm thankful that when I was that age that people pushed me. That they taught me Two ways to Live. That they put me on a committee to organise Youth Services when I was in year 8. That they pushed me to do Kids Club and Beach Mission and Youth group. I don't think i could be doing so many of the things I do now if people had treated me like I often treat the youth I know.

A humbling rebuke.

love B

Knowing myself

One of the keys I've found so far in surviving the full-time (or almost full-time) ministry life is knowing yourself.

On Sunday night we got back from Kyck- a fantastic youth convention. I spent much of the weekend driving around with and hanging with three girls from our youth Bible study. It was great fun and a huge blessing- and encouraging to see them all struggling with the Bible and what it had to say about Life and what really mattered. I nearly went deaf with the volume of music they insisted on in the car, and didn't sleep very much- but my only tears from the weekend were tears of joy as a reflected on the amazing God that I serve.

Knowing myself, I knew that after that kind of weekend, after that kind of intense, crazy, happy adrenaline I was going to have a crash day.

It's today.

I'm sitting at work, on my lunch break. I feel like I can't do anything. I feel like there is no way that I'm going to get through the term ahead. I feel like I can't possibly fill all the Sunday School teacher/helper spots. I feel like its all going to crash around me. Even the weekend with all its blessings seems to be not quite as good as I first imagined.

One of the things that was talked about on the weekend is the fleetingness of life. I came away inspired to make the most of the life I have left. To make it count.

I woke this morning. I didn't want to make it count. I just wanted to sleep in and be miserable!

But I know what I feel is not true.

I know that God in his goodness will provide.

I know I will survive.

Today is my down day.

And knowing that helps me to keep it together.
love B

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Holes and Ends

Sometimes I doubt that I'm smart enough to write a novel.

So many holes to fill. So many ends to tie. So many new ideas that crowd into the old. I'm doing a bit of re-reading today (something I've been avoiding lately so that some writing gets done) and I see all these ideas from a year ago that I haven't yet followed through in the rest of the story. Do I keep them or loose them?

Exhausting and occasionally little bit dispiriting.

But still fun.
love B

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Novel problems

I am very conscious of my page count on my novel.


Each time I open it out (which is incidentally daily at the moment), I stare at the little number in the corner.


My husband doesn't get page counts. He prefers to know my number of words (he's such a student). But I was beginning to think he had the right idea.


Because for a long time the page count wasn't growing.


The first reason was usually because I wasn't writing!


The second reason was because I was editing, and therefore words would go up or down or stay the same and I could put hours in and there would not be a difference.


But slowly that is changing. Each week it goes up. Not by much, one, two, maybe three pages at a time.


But it is going up.


This week I started working on the order of a few sections, and I mercilessly cut out a bit that I had written in the first few months of writing. So often when I'm re-reading something I wrote long ago I end up scrawling underneath the mantra of the novelist "Show don't tell, show don't tell". Don't just describe things, don't just explain things. Use the narrative and the characters movements to let the reader know what they need to know. So I had long ago written a "show" version of my "telling" passage- but had not removed the original.


I removed it on Monday.


2 pages down the tube.


It was very discouraging.


But to my amazement as I kept on plugging away I replaced those pages that day. And added on a few more.


At the end of last year I decided that I would set myself the goal of getting the first draft of this novel done by the end of this year. And at various different points during the months proceeding this one I've assumed that I had bitten off more than I could chew and that there was no way it was possible. But I now think I can do it.


I printed out a section of my story so I could work out the order of some random interactions of characters that I had plonked together, and so that I could work out the "gaps" that need to be filled to make the narrative come together. I stared at the pages in horror. I had loved measuring things in terms of pages- it made me feel like my end wasn't far away. But as I looked at how many words and lines constituted a "page" I was in shock. There was so little. Perhaps I hadn't written as much as I thought.


Then as I read it, I realised something was odd.


Our printer had been cutting off a paragraph at the bottom of every page.


Phew.


135 pages

38,508 words

love B

Random Observations of this week

This week I did a kids talk for Easter, and as part of it we had a Humpty Dumpty Egg "Fall" off a wall and smash on the ground. One of the toddlers burst into tears. We couldn't work out if he was sad because Humpty "died", if he was just in shock, or if he was upset because he wasn't allowed to eat it!

I've been really admiring the various families around me at church and the hard work they put into teaching their kids about Jesus. Easter really makes it hit home- as parents think of creative ways of helping the kids understand the story. And our Sunday School teachers are also doing a fabulous job. I'm so impressed by how well even the little kids are doing at remembers that Easter is about Jesus and not chocolate! One of the kids was showing me the "resurrection" eggs they had used in the 3-5 yo class.
I pointed to the picture of the tomb.
"What's that".
"That's where they put Jesus"
"Then what happened"
"He came back to life on the three day!"

Today I went to a funeral of a man from church. The talk was based around the verse in Psalm 90 "Teach us to number our days aright, so we might grow in wisdom". For the first time in my life- I felt that death was not that far away. Even if I live another 50 odd years- that is nothing in terms of eternity. Time is short. I really want to make it count.

One of the women I spoke to at the funeral said to me afterwards "When I was a little girl, I was so scared of death. Now I see it as not a bad thing at all. I'm not afraid. I have hope."

I've never seen such a stoic, content widow at a funeral before. And not because he wasn't dear to her, and not because she wouldn't miss him. She was just so happy that he was out of pain and with Jesus.

Death was on my mind alot this week. But so was the Resurrection. And hope.
love B