Being yourself in Ministry

Today I had a conversation with a lady who is investigating Jesus that started like this:

"Belinda, you are never envious or jealous.  How can I be like you?"

Ouch

It would have been bad enough if it was just a regular week, but this comment came smack bang in the middle of a week where Jealousy, Envy, and Anger were probably my three strongest emotions.

And once again I am forced to take a look at the way I do ministry.

Am I being fake?

I'm not deliberately being fake.  I do try to talk about my struggles and sin.  But I think in my efforts to be a good example, and particularly in my efforts to teach godly living, I give the impression that I have it figured all out.  And that, even accidentally, IS being fake.  I need to be more real and honest.

It was a great conversation, because it ultimately came back to the gospel, that Christians are not perfect, we are just sinners who acknowledge how bad we are and get God to help us as we struggle to change.  I said I could see myself growing, but that I often felt like the longer I lived, the more bad I find out I am.  This was something my friend could identify with!

Interesting she also said "Your husband must be more perfect than you because he is going to be a Pastor". It makes me realise that this is going to be a problem that grows for both Tim and I, that because of our very roles people were going to assume the best of our character.  And this is bad, both because it undermines the gospel (suggesting that being a Christian is about being good), and also because it means that people will see themselves on another level from us and therefore will be hesitant to either share struggles, or even follow our example (because they assume they will fail).  Our challenge is to be real, to keep sharing the gospel, and to keep pushing people to persevere with godliness, even though it is a life long task.

I don't have any answers though.  How do I be real about sin without revealing too-private struggles?  What struggles should I publicise.
Tricky questions!
love B

Moving home

There are so many things that make me excited about moving home to Melbourne.

I'm excited about the \church plant!

I'm excited about being able to actually follow AFL again because the games are on at a decent hour (or not to far away to attend in person!).

I'm excited about being around my wonderful families.

I'm excited that I am moving into a Unit that I already know and love, that I already know where I am going to shop and where I will go on my walks.

I'm excited about being ten minutes away from Fi!

And I'm also excited about being around for family things.  Each Easter my parents travel up with their friends and stay at the King Valley.  They usually bike ride to the Milawa Cheese Factory and meet my Aunt, Uncle and my Cousins.  (If you ever get a chance, go there.  It is such awesome cheese!)

My cousin Kate, who was the flower-girl at my wedding and is now 10 years old, sent me a message on my Mum's phone when they were hanging out.  At first I felt my normal sadness that once again living in Sydney I was away from all the fun, and particularly missing out on spending time with my beautiful cousins.  But then I realised that next year I could go!

There will be lots of really sad things about leaving.  People and ministries and places that I have become attached to.

But so many good things too look forward to!
love B

When I survey

My parents are Christians, and did a very kind service to me of sharing Jesus with me from a very young age.  I don't remember a time when I didn't love God.

So it's always hard for me when it comes to "testimonies" to find a moment when I "became a Christian".  But that is something I treasure rather than worry about.  It's actually a special thing, to know Jesus as Lord and Savour and have no memories of him being anything but :)

My first memory of understanding Jesus death on the cross, relates to the song "When I survey".  It was my Dad's favourite hymn and he would often sing it to me as a lullaby. I have no idea of the age of this memory (it mustn't have been too big, if I was still being sung to sleep!) but I remember reflecting on one of the verses.

See from his head
His hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingle down
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so richer crown

I remember listening and thinking that when Jesus died, he had a horrible painful crown of thorns.  But that crown was the most special crown in the world, because Jesus was dying for me.  Jesus died because he loved me.

And so, today, many, many years on, I cry when I sing that verse.

Good Friday indeed.
love Belinda

2012 and beyond

When I first started this blog- I had very recently moved to the city of Sydney.  The whole idea of the blog was to keep friends updated on my life in the new city, and because I was studying, it was an opportunity to reflect on what I was learning.

Three years on, things are very different.  I am no longer studying, but working in a job that is hard work but a blessing.  And while this blog is still primarily about informing friends, it is also just a way of me processing the things that happen in my life and hopefully encouraging people along the way.

But the big news is that at the end of this year, Tim will have finished his Bible College studies and we will be moving back to Melbourne.

This means alot of changes, such as minor ones like coming up with a new blog name ;)

But one of the biggest things changes is that Tim and I will be embarking on a new ministry adventure.

God-willing- next year Tim and I will be planting a church in Melbourne, in the Suburb of Box Hill.

Even writing the words I suddenly get filled with all kinds of different emotions: the two biggest being excitement and fear!  And I think excitement and fear will be two emotions I will get rather used to as this year continues :)

I know that church planting will not be an easy venture.  But I love Jesus, and I love sharing him with those who are yet to know him, and even with the challenges, I look forward to the opportunities for evangelism that Church planting will create.

Tim and I (well, really it was me, I'm the blogger in the family) have started a new blog about the church plant.  I'd love you to check it out, and start praying for us :)

http://www.gracechristiancommunity.blogspot.com/

It is hard to believe that it has been three years since I started this blog!  I'm really thankful to God for those of you who read it, and particularly those who have continued to love and care for us even when we have been far away.

And I am thankful to God for the last three years.  They haven't been easy, but they have been important and filled with much joy and blessing.
Love B

Those days

Today was one of those days.

No, I don't mean those days.  Today was one of those rare, amazing, I love my job days.

It wasn't that anything different happened than on any other day, or particularly any other Thursday.  It was just that it was a day when I was reminded just how special my "ordinary" days are.  How priveledged I am to do what I do.

In Bible study we looked at the women who poured perfume on Jesus.  We talked about how special Jesus was.  We looked at the Lord Supper and realised why Jesus was so special.  And then we prayed for each other other and talked and laughed and ate.  'This is so important' said one lady, patting her hand on her Bible, 'I learn so much more when I learn with other people'.

I caught up with my friend who is so interested in learning about Jesus.  We sat in a cafe, in plain sight of the world, with the Bible open, talking about the world and Jesus, and how special forgiveness is.  We read about how no matter your background, gender, or social standing, if you trust in Jesus, you are equal and part of God's family.

I've just confirmed that I am running an event for women at church, to training them in talking about Jesus with friends.  I was just going to do it with my young women's Bible study, but they insisted we make it wider because "Everyone needs to learn this".

And now I am getting ready for another Sunday of teaching.

I love those days.
B

Symbolic act

Today, I plan to put on my contact lenses.  I haven't warn them since my brother-in-laws wedding in January.

It might seem like a simple thing.  I have put contact lenses in many times.  It is nothing exciting or special in and of itself.

But it is a big step for me.

You see, when I cry I have to take them out.  Not just normal crying- I do that everyday, sometimes sad, often happy.  Tears are just part of the hyper-emotional person I am!  But when I cry and I cry I can't stop, and my nose runs and my eyes go red, my eye-lids can get infected if I keep the contacts in too long. For too many days of that kind of crying.

Over the summer I couldn't wear my contacts (except for the wedding) because I was crying too much.  I was just so sad. 

It's not that I'm still not sad about our little baby.  I am.  I can't stop thinking about him.  But I'm no longer falling apart all the time.  I'm even sometimes a little bit happy when I think about him and our short time together.

It seems like a big step to put them in.  To make a conscious decision to pull myself together.

But I think I'm ready.
love B

Answered Prayers

Sometimes I forget that my God answers prayers.

Sometimes I'm so ready to explain to people that he "sometimes says no or not yet" that I forget to emphasis that he says yes too.

My Bible study has been a great reminder of God's ability to answer prayers.

Last year, we had a Mum in the group who wasn't a Christian.  She was having real problems with her kids.  We prayed about it and their behavior improved. Our Bible study actually has the kids in the same room as the adults and so often it's a little distracting.  One week see said to me in exasperation: "There is no point in coming if the kids are ratty".  I asked her to please keep coming and she said she would only come on mornings when the kids were well behaved.  I said "Okay, I'll pray for them".  This was in May last year, and she didn't miss a study for the rest of the year, because the kids behaved so well.  And Praise God, she became a Christian at the end of the year.

This year we got a new Non-Christian Mum in the group.  Her prayer point on the first day was for her son.  He cried almost every day when she left him at Pre-school. She wanted us to pray that he would stop crying.  When I saw her at Playgroup then next week she said he hadn't cry since we prayed but that "It wasn't God, it was a coincidence".  Two and a half months in, he hasn't cried once.  She said a few weeks ago "I thank God and I thank you for praying.  I know that it's God who helped him not to cry".

They might seem like small things in this horrible time of earthquakes and impending Nuclear situations.  But for these two Mums, it was serious struggles that God had helped them with.

And for me it was a reminder that God can and does answer prayers with yes.  And I am reminded to keep praying.
love B