Why I love my Bible study!

Today is one of those days where I can think about a million things I want to blog about. "One of those days" doesn't happen very often- so I've actually written down a list that I will plow through over time.

I will give you a "what's been happening update" after this weekend- because that (hopefully!) is when the craziness stops a bit. Plus I am blessed to be having a weekend away with my Mum and Sister in the blue mountains- so I can let you know about that too!

But now- why I love my Bible study.

I was excited about joining a Bible study this year. Last year I really felt the loss of a regular chance with friends to catch up and learn together. I realised the error of my ways half way through the year and tried to join one of the groups for College wives. Unfortunately at that stage they were all bursting at the brim and too full, so it was with great excitement that I approached my second chance at the start of this year.

Now for those of you who don't know me well enough to know my faults- I am an academic snob. I am very Bible literate, and greatly struggle with pride associated with this. With this pride comes also a tendency to be lazy in Bible study, and not push myself to be challenged (because I've often thought about or read before what I am being taught). It also leads me to want to answer every question in Bible study to "show off" I self-diagnosed this sin when I was 19 years old through my memorable and wonderful first year at Christian Union student group at Monash Uni. But despite my self-diagnosis, it has been a constant struggle and I suspect will remain so.

The idea of being in a Bible study run by "College Lecturer's wives" and other "College wives's" appealed because I assumed the studies would be high brow and academic.

But this is what I found.

The studies so far have been on James and the topic of "the church"- two things that I am very familiar with. The things that we discuss, the answers that we come to, are most of the time ones that I already knew or things I already thought.

And yet, it's been wonderful!

Because often the conclusions are conclusions I've known, but never lived out. For example, in our first study on church we came to the conclusion- based on many passages but particularly Romans 12:1 that we needed to live our whole lives as "worship" to God. This was something I knew. But as the study ended I realised how little I lived it out! I don't wake up in the morning thinking about all the different ways I will be worshiping God that day. I don't do the dishes, write my novel or ride the train in a way that acknowledges the one I'm serving. I do think of ministry and church as my worship time and not the rest. What a challenge!

And not only that- I am in a group of very different women. We have a Grandma, a Mother of young adults, and a Mother of young kids. We have a lawyer, a nurse and a PA. We have people studying, teaching and ministering the gospel. All different. All sharing their lives, their wisdom, their struggles, their joys and their prayer points each week.

I am so thankful to God for my Bible study. Once again, my good God has not given me what I expected or what I asked for, but just what I needed. He is like that!
love B
PS For those of you who also struggle with being Bible snobs- two things I have found helpful in a Bible study context. The first is thinking before I answer a question- am I just answering this to show off? The second is even if I'm not, I only ever answer half the questions I want to, to keep myself from dominating. Still not perfect, but I've found it a great help!

My Secret World

Do you want to know a secret?

Most of the time I act like everyone else, and you might not suspect whats really going on. But I have a secret. A secret world.

I visit it often- sometimes when I'm on the train- still waking up ready to face the day. Sometimes it's after the lights go out and my head has hit the pillow. Sometimes (often in fact) it is when I walk through the streets of wherever I am living at the time. And sometimes it's even here, in the world's most messy office.

I go there most often when I am feeling peaceful and happyish. But even at times of suffering and stress it can be my little refuge for a tired mind.

It is a world that is so different to this one, and yet so many things are the same. There are people that look like us, that struggle like us, with the same problems magnified by their unusual surroundings. This world is an exaggerated caricature of our world. The mountains are grander, the sea is wider and so much is unknown. There is magic and spells and adventure that brings the extraordinary in people- but which also highlight their weakness and sin.

There is a great history that has been slowly wiped out from the memories of the people in that world. But I know that history, and will be slowly revealing it to the characters of my choosing.

There is a little girl who is a little bit like me, though not too much :) She is dreamy and small and inconsequential...at first. But she is the last piece in a puzzle that I am putting together to save her world.

There are events that happen in this world that arrive like a lightening bolt in my head; while others take weeks, months and even years of thinking before I decide on "what happens next".

I don't know if I will ever get my novel finished, and sometimes when I read parts of it I think I'll never get it published even if I do finish! But I love my little world and I love the tales I discover there and so I'm going to keep visiting and writing what I see.

Can you keep my secret?
love B

Soul Weary

I've been feeling very soul weary lately. We drove over one of my favourite bridges in Sydney last night, and I looked out at the beautiful night sky-line and felt...strange. Not sad, not happy, and there was a bit of missing Melbourne mixed in there. But most of all just tired.

I've been sick, and had lots of things to do. I've been under a lot of stress, and found it hard to switch off my brain.

When I'm soul weary I always turn to the Psalms.

The psalms are the natural place I always want to go to when I pick up my Bible. So normally when I pick my Bible up, I try to fight that temptation and read other things as well. But during weeks like this I know that what I need more than anything is the honest, raw, beautiful Psalms.

I love God. And it seems amazing that with the kind of job I have and the life I lead that I keep having to remind myself of him. Of his grace, of his Holiness, of his majesty and power. But life takes over and I find myself forgetting. Living as if his loving hand wasn't guiding and leading my every path. Living as if the ministry I was doing was totally in my weak, helpless hands. Living as if this world is all these is and that I don't have an eternity of joyful communion with him to look forward to.

So the Psalms are great. There is my God who controls the wind and the waves. There is the God who listens t0 David's pleas. There is the just God who will not let the wicked triumph. There is the loving God who casts my sins away from me. And there is my God who will be my strength and portion long after my flesh and heart have failed.

Please Pray that I will live my life and do my ministry in light of his greatness.

love B