Sunday, August 31, 2008

A confession

Dear friends,
I have a naughty confession to make. I'm a bit embarrassed but I felt it was important to let you know. You may have figured it out already, given the lack of posting in recent weeks. But in case you haven't...here it is...

I'm bored of blogging!

Oh, I know, its a bit bad isn't it? Its such a me thing to- I'm forever getting excited about projects- and then letting them slide with the next much more exciting thing (which at the moment is fantasy fiction writing- LOVE IT!).

I quite enjoy looking at blogs, and am often being disappointed at the many interesting bloggers who blog fairly regularly (getting onto my check every day list) only for them to drop back to semi-regularly. This means they move onto my "check if you have time" list! And here I am, doing exactly the same thing.

But I don't think I'm going to stop.

One- I want to be a follow-through girl! Its a life long aim and I'm working on it and maybe this will be the turning of the tide. Imagine, a Belinda who no longer dreams of things that might be but actually fulfills them. I know, its a beautiful thought ;)

Two-I've been thinking about the purpose of this blog- and the main purpose is to let my dear, dear friends in Melbourne know how I am going, and what I am learning. So this is a worthy aim- and is worth pushing through for.

Three- I think my underlying reason for "getting over" blogging is that I've lost confidence. My blog is not a serious, it's-my-key-ministry, carefully crafted work of art. So that's made me cautious about blogging. But I should just get over that- something doesn't have to be perfect to be worthwhile
(Incidentally- it would be an interesting post to discuss the amazing realisation I had two years ago that I am a perfectionist. Hmmm, put that on the to-do list!)

Four- I will probably get to enjoy it again sometime soon.

So, I will continue. A key point about creative writing that you hear all the time is that when you have writers block, just write rubbish and you'll find over time that the simple act of writing will pull you out of the hole. In the process of writing this I've come up with four different things I want to post on.

So maybe don't put me on your check once a year blog list yet ;)
love B

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Kids Songs

Don't you just love Christian kids songs?

One of the many highlights of leading Sunday School this term has been taking the chance to sing songs. I've been putting on the CD regularly to learn the many songs I had never heard before (they like it modern in Sydney for some reason- they don't use the Old classics from my If-I-were-a-butterfly childhood!)- but that's just my excuse. I really love listening to them.

But its funny how simple and profound and real kids songs can be. One week we played a Colin Buchanan song "Be Strong and Courageous" all about how we can trust God to keep us safe- and I'm not sure what the kids thought about it but it got me and the other leader in tears!

I've been really enjoying teaching Sunday School- although its also been scary to try something new in ministry. I'd experienced kids ministry on beach mission and a kids clubs at my old church- but never the really little ones. They are so limited in what they can do physically and limited in what they can remember! They need to go to the toilet several times a lesson and the smaller girls sometimes burst into tears and cry for Mummy.

But they need to hear about Jesus and we tell them, and its great to see their eyes following along with awe when they hear stories of Jesus life for the first time. They will probably hear and read them many many more times (that is our prayer anyway). But how exciting to be the first to tell them!

Please pray for the kids and their folks. Many of the kids have parents who don't yet know the Jesus that their kids are becoming acquainted with. And pray for me, that I will carefully, faithfully, lovingly share Jesus with them. I have always been so thankful that I can't remember a time when I didn't love Jesus. And my prayer for these kids is that they will one day be able to say the same.
love B

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Mustard Seed

Dear friends,
So sorry I haven't been writing. Life has run away with me at the moment- not that I've been only doing work (far from it...hehe) but blogging has unfortunately been a little low on the priority list. I will do a post on Saturday- but here is my reflections on the last week.

I was very struck by a quote that a guy giving lectures at College said. He was speaking on the concept of repentance- very academically but also very truely. He was speaking about the Pharasis and I was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. I am a Pharases at heart (a sin I constantly have to fight against)- a lover of man made rules who loves to feel like "a good person". The quote he said was from CS Lewis and it was something like "We all secretly think that God made a very wise decision in choosing us".

Ouch! That's so me! I often forget my own sin in the business of serving God (ironic) and start to think that God owes me something for my service. Last week was a week where I got reminded again what a sinner I am. And this week was a week when I got reminded of the amazing grace of God- that he loves me and that he sent his son to die for me- knowing me for the sinner I am.

Its funny how people view us. I've been struck lately at the amazing faith that many of my friends have, the way that they stand firm on the promises of God even when going through intense suffering and feeling like my faith is so small and so fickled in comparison (particularly in my responses to prayers that don't get answered). But then I think, I bet people look at me and think I have great faith! I wonder if others feel the same?

This week was a week where I really did feel that my faith was as small as a mustard seed. But praise God, that is enough. Praise God!

God is so good. He is so good in so many ways. How is it that we can repent and be forgiven- how is it that God would save us? It is hard to comprehend but so beautiful to think about.

Amazing Grace.
love B

Monday, August 4, 2008

My hectic weekend and lazy day!

I had such a blue-sky day today! These are the days were I alternate between singing Christian kids songs and strange 70s love ballads. When the weather just seems to seep into my soul. They happen fairly sporatically, but usually occur more frequently when the spring approaches.

I think part of it was the fact that my hectic but good weekend was over. It was great and I wouldn't have changed it (except that it might have been nice to have my assignment done before it!)- but it is also nice to have a relaxing time to recover.

The weekend was hectic due to two great things: Tim's Mum visiting and the Faithful Writers conference.

Last year when I heard about this conference for Christian writers I was disappointed to be in the wrong state to go. So when I saw the facebook group associated with the conference I decided I must go.

But as the time approached I started to have my doubts. I figured it would be filled with lots of proper writers, deep thinking profound writers who wrote about important things- not a first year Theol student who dables in bad fantasy fiction and blogs about vegetables! I started to get scared- what if I didn't fit in? What if I leave thinking I should give up on writing? I love writing!

But it wasn't like that at all.

For one, there was very little in it about theological writing- most of the stuff related to poetry (which I can't do but I enjoyed hearing about) or fictional or reflective writing. Everything was very practical- there were some awesome tips which have answered some problems that I've had for a while in terms of how I write. And we were given 1 and 1/2 hours to do writing exercises- on great topics like "The ones who are closest to us are the ones who allude us" and "The time I almost gave up my faith". When I was younger i used to think by writing- as I've gotten older I've come to think by talking- but I forgot how exciting it was to try to take the essence of your heart at a particular time and capture it in a few pithy sentences.

And I was also struck by a profound thought. I don't need to write bad fantasy fiction. Just because its fantasy- doesn't mean that it has to be writen at a different quality to literature. I had a little go at reworking an old sentence from my story and it came alive. It gave me hope that I can do this.

So all in all it was a wonder experience- worth my grogginess today as I try to recover from no real day off this week.
love B